I know that personal relationships at work can be career-limiting. But are there any ethical concerns?

Yes, there are ethical issues because you are not the only stakeholder. You have to consider whether the other person’s career is going to be affected. There is a potential impact on other staff or volunteers, and perhaps even on the organization as a whole.

Depending on the working relationship, the impact may be considerable or not enough to worry about. I will outline concerns, and you can decide if your budding romance fits into one or more of them or not.

Before we deal with the other stakeholders, let me address one universal ethical value – respect for truth. You may be able to keep secret a one-time fling. Hiding any longer relationship almost never works, so you will just seem dishonest if you try. Most of your co-workers will soon figure it out and they will not appreciate the deceit.

The most problematic situation is when one person reports to the other. The power imbalance cannot be denied, and there will be suspicion that it was the reason for the relationship. Perhaps one person hoped for better raises and assignments, or the other hinted that performance reviews would be bad if they said no.

Regardless, the co-workers or fellow volunteers of the more junior person will feel that their manager cannot treat them fairly if one of them is in a personal relationship. All work distributions, professional development opportunities, and performance reviews or promotion decisions will be seen as tainted.

If the relationship ends, then one is in a position to punish the other, and the other is in a position to file a sexual harassment complaint that could ruin a reputation and career. No one can ever know at the start of a relationship whether it will lead to a lifetime of love or an angry parting, so assume the latter in your risk analysis. A poorly handled ending will harm the image of both parties, perhaps even within the notice of volunteers, partner agencies, and funders.

If the positions are at different levels but not in a directly reporting situation, then the organization may lose flexibility to move people around or make project team assignments. If the positions are at the same level, the organization loses flexibility in promotions. Yes, these are ethical issues, since mission achievement may be affected. Nonprofits are smaller on average than businesses, so the impact may be greater.

Even if there is no chance of one reporting to the other, both may have their judgment questioned for entering into a workplace romance. The impressions will be worse for both if either party is perceived as cheating on their partner.

The issues apply even more to relationships between a board member and the executive director. A key role of every nonprofit board member is managing the executive director, including compensation and performance evaluation. Even if a committee does this, every director should have input, and anyway, informal evaluations happen all year long. No director can carry out his or her role properly if married to or dating the ED.

However, the reality is that love can be hard to find, and even harder to reject once found. We spend much of our waking time with our co-workers, and attractions are inevitable. In larger organizations, people in different departments may easily be able to avoid working together.

Finding your soul mate is worth a job change or resignation from a board. If you are putting yourself, the one you love, or your organization at risk, one of you should leave before any damage is done. If you do, may you live happily ever after.

Since 1992, Jane Garthson has dedicated her consulting and training business to creating better futures for our communities and organizations through values-based leadership. She is a respected international voice on governance, strategic thinking and ethics. Jane can be reached at jane@garthsonleadership.ca.

To submit a dilemma for a future column, or to comment on a previous one, please contact editor@charityvillage.com. For paid professional advice about an urgent or complex situation, contact Jane directly.