Last month, we spoke about the different types of people that can cause conflicts on the board. This month, we are going to talk about the ten things you need to keep in mind when you encounter one of these difficult board members.
1. Let them know that you hear them and understand their point of view.
Many difficult people become so because they feel like they aren’t being understood. They use strong language, yelling, or getting ‘in your face’. If you demonstrate that you are listening and speak more quietly yourself, they will tend to mellow out and be less difficult.
2. Don’t take their actions personally.
Difficult behaviour is rarely pointed at you. It is aimed at everyone in general. Don’t get personally caught up in it.
3. They are probably trying hard, but are frustrated.
Difficult people are often passionate people. They are acting in a way they have ‘learned’ over time. By not buying into it, you don’t reinforce to them that it is appropriate. Rise above them and don’t get frustrated yourself.
4. Keep your cool.
If you can get past taking it personally and realize that them being difficult is primarily THEIR issue, you can desensitize yourself from the situation. Remember to breathe; don’t get angry and feed their fire.
5. Sift through what you are hearing.
Strain out the negative emotions, personal jibes, and bad attitude and, instead, try to gather the useful information that they are trying (poorly) to share with you. Remember that what is a ‘fact’ to them is rarely a fact. Rather, it is something they think is useful to their rant.
6. Don’t ruin your day or your night’s sleep over difficult personalities.
Some people have just decided that it benefits them to be difficult. You can’t control how they act, but you can control how they get to interact with you.
7. Be courteous and have compassion.
Bite your tongue and don’t engage in verbal combat with them, nor mirror their negative body language. Look for a way to feel a level of compassion for their suffering with their own difficulty.
8. You can’t change their personality.
Work with their behaviour, not them as a person. Don’t necessarily put the two in bed together. We’ve all acted at some point in a way that we are embarrassed by. Don’t judge the person as a whole just because they have decided to be difficult.
9. Try to focus on creating a good outcome for both you and the person.
No one has to ‘win’ in a situation. Look for a mutually beneficial outcome.
10. Decide if you need to ‘fix’ the situation.
If the difficult person is only frustrating, leave it alone. If, however, they are making your personal life hell and disrupting your ability to be productive, you need to address the situation. This could be done by controlling contact. Decide what is best for you, the board, and the overall organization.
Liam Brown is a member of Small Army Communications, a West Coast-based training firm that works with nonprofit and charitable groups across Canada and the USA. Visit www.smallarmy.ca for more information.
