In a documentary about actor/comedian Steve Martin, he shares a dream he had in which a mysterious woman takes him to see his grave. It’s open, and he sees his skeleton, which has a big smile on its face. He asks the woman if that means it’s possible to die happy. When she says yes, he asks what he needs to do to die happy. Her answer? Adventure… with people.
Decades of research has shown that human happiness is tied closely to our relationships with the people in our lives. We’re social beings who languish if deprived of contact with others for too long.
That may be why people approaching retirement so often say that what they’ll miss most about their workplace is, “The people I work with!”. Interestingly though, research in 2023 by ULeadU Post Career Pathing showed that the companionship of workmates ranked fifth in what working people said they worried most about losing when they retired. By contrast, fully retired people ranked their work community a strong third in terms of what they actually missed in retirement. Perhaps it’s a matter of “you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone”?
By the time we’re ready to retire, that easily accessed daily connection with our workmates might well be undervalued or taken for granted because it’s always been there. However, leaving trusted colleagues and a carefully nurtured professional network behind can be devastating, the loss difficult to navigate even for those who don’t feel it so acutely.
Nurturing & expanding your social network
The American Association of Retired Persons suggests that “As you transition into retirement, prioritizing social connections is key. Building and maintaining a strong social network can be the cornerstone of a fulfilling and meaningful life after work.”
Everyone has different relationship needs. Some need nothing more than a few close relationships with family and/or friends. For others, there can never be enough people in their circle.
Regardless, everyone faces the same challenge: As we get older, our social universe (and consequently our world) shrinks. People move away, some die, others just drift out of contact. The only way to avoid this is to be deliberate about maintaining existing relationships and developing new ones. Doing otherwise invites loneliness to creep in like a bad fog.
We’ve recently learned that loneliness, and its sometimes companion isolation, is as deadly as smoking. On the other hand, a healthy social life promotes happiness and longevity with better cognitive function and a lower risk of dementia, stroke, heart disease, and cancer.
Most of us have the power to nurture and expand our social connections. It may mean stepping way out of our comfort zones, but the rewards are many – a smile, a laugh, a shoulder to lean on, and knowing you’re not alone.
What you can do
- Start before retiring by being the initiator. Let your work friends know that you value their friendship and want to stay in touch when you leave. Once retired, don’t wait for them to call. Be the first to suggest getting together. Someday they’ll retire and be glad to still have you as a friend.
- Replace your professional network by engaging with groups doing activities that energize you physically, mentally and/or emotionally. Volunteering with others is an excellent option that kills two birds with one stone: it’s purposeful and social.
- Commit to spend more quality time with the people most important to you and folks you want to know better.
- Be curious about people you meet. Talk to strangers. You may never see them again, but you’ll walk away feeling lifted and you’ll have practiced your connecting skills.
Marilyn Hintsa is an accredited Retirement Readiness Coach who works with leaders of all kinds that want to continue making a difference in their post-career lives. On her own retirement journey since 2019, Marilyn lives the perspective that retirement is no reason to stop and go out to pasture, and every reason to now “do life” your way. She is dedicated to helping her clients navigate one of life’s biggest transitions with confidence and excitement for what comes next. Connect with Marilyn at linkedin.com/in/hintsa/ or book a Retirement Readiness Chat at www.uleadu.ca.
If you want to start making new connections while discussing a variety of topics related to a fulfilling retirement, consider joining Next Chapter Dialogues, a new and unique, small group forum for thoughtful people at any state of the retirement journey. This ongoing, weekly Zoom-based discussion guided by Marilyn Hintsa begins September 24/24. Go to www.uleadu.ca/next-chapter-dialogues for more information.
