Here’s the truth: you must stop striving for work-life balance. It doesn’t exist. Nor should it. Balance is nothing more than society’s way of laying guilt on working women.

Cindy was seeing her kids for less than an hour a day

She arrived home and spent only a brief time with them before apologetically tucking them into bed. Each night, she vowed silently to change things. It was the same promise she’d whispered to herself for months. But the work demands were strong.

Cindy tried to make up for it on weekends

Cindy found herself exhausted and with little patience left. Most of what she had for energy, focus and compassion was used up in the day-to-day grind at the office. Cindy craved balance. She wanted to divide her time between work and home and not have them interfere with each other. Yet she could never find a way to do that.

Work-Life Balance doesn’t work

That is because there isn’t a way. You are not alone if you, like Cindy, have wondered how to juggle everything better to find more harmony in your days.

Women are tugged at constantly

Working women, especially leaders, feel pulled in all directions. It’s not just work and kids. You also know you need to pay attention to your health and well-being. Likely you have some community groups that you feel a responsibility to. Your marriage, parents, and renovation projects all scream for their share of your priceless time.

Dividing things equally is impossible

The point is that it is impossible to equally divide your calendar and your energy to each task or area in your life. You can’t spend 1.75 hours with your kids, 8 hours at work and…you get the point.

  • There are weeks that you must work more than 40 hours, in fact, a lot more.
  • But, just the same, there are times when your family requires more attention.

How do you find more alignment without the guilt?

THE SOLUTION

The answer has been presented in The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. They call it counterbalancing. There are some key things to know about this strategy.

👉🏻 Identify your priority

Your priority is the thing you need to focus on. Everything else must be put on the back burner when we focus on that priority. This recognizes that we can’t answer the phone when working on a report that you ranked at the top of your list. It also means we shouldn’t be reading emails at the supper table.

Prioritizing goes deeper than that

In our work days, we chase everyone else’s priorities. As a result, often, our own meaningful work never gets done. For example, many indicate that relationships are key. Yet, we may plan to talk to an employee for days but have yet to get to that conversation.

Prioritizing isn’t about ordering the tasks on our to-do list

It is about looking within and determining why we do our work. Then, it is about looking at the bigger picture and having a vision for how to get there. Another great resource on how to do this is the book Essentialism by Greg McKowen.

👉🏻 Lean way out

Counterbalancing recognizes that we can’t always walk along a path that is straight. There is no state of being completely balanced. We are constantly in motion. The approach is to sway back and forth.

  • We will need to lean heavily into work some days.
  • Other times, life will draw us strongly into it.

Let yourself lean

When you allow yourself to lean in or out fully, you will find more enjoyment and meaning in what you are doing. Imagine being on a beautiful Caribbean holiday and checking your email. That sucks, right? Now imagine being on that same beach, completely shut off from work and simply soaking up the sun. You would find a more gratifying experience.

👉🏻 Stop feeling guilty

The same is true in projects at work. For example, you aren’t completely focused on the task if you feel guilty about missing supper. Therefore you won’t be doing your best work, and it will take longer.

It takes a bit of getting used to

Keller and Papasan acknowledge it can be bumpy. However, when we put our focused attention on a priority, it means we are going to lean away from other things.

When you put time and attention towards these priorities, naturally, it will take the focus away from other things. This will put things out of balance, which is okay if done for the right amount of time.

👉🏻 Engage in Counterbalancing

The key is for the right amount of time. Leaning way out isn’t bad. In addition to a particular work project, your health and your family are priorities. If you stay at the office until 6 pm, it’s not the end of the world.

  • Counterbalancing the long day is when you head to the gym after.
  • You further counterbalance when you immerse yourself in reading to your child at bedtime, fully present to them and the story, and leave your cell phone in a different room.

Think of counterbalancing as your umbrella

Tightrope walkers carry something to counterbalance them. They have a weight that pulls them back the other way. Your weight is your other priorities. It might be your health or family.

By identifying it as a priority and then giving fully there, too, you will find more of the sway back and forth, just as anyone who appears truly balanced is doing.

Leadership Development Coach Kathy Archer helps women leaders ditch survival mode and enjoy impactful leadership. Develop your confidence * Maintain your composure * Lead with integrity!