Everyone knows that having a feedback-rich environment is critical for high performance and engagement, but most people – managers and team members alike – agree that we just don’t get enough feedback and coaching. Why is something so important so neglected? When asked that question, most people cite the usual suspects: lack of time, concern about making the other person feel uncomfortable, and not being sure how to broach what might be a sensitive topic. I think of this as the myth of feedback: that it’s hard, uncomfortable and time-consuming. In fact, with the addition of a few tools to your manager toolkit, you can get comfortable with giving both appreciative and constructive feedback. Even better, you can use these tools to build relationships and trust, which enhance both engagement and performance.

According to Daniel Pink in Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us (Riverhead Books, 2009), people are engaged by three things: mastery, autonomy and purpose. Nonprofits have the edge when it comes to purpose, since most people join nonprofits because of a personal connection to the mission. But mastery and autonomy require coaching and feedback. They also require people to be focused, so let’s take a short detour into one big work distraction.

First, make them feel safe

The psychologist Abraham Maslow developed a hierarchy of needs that suggests human beings need to have their basic physiological and safety needs met before being concerned with higher needs such as psychological and emotional needs. In other words, if we don’t have enough food, we probably aren’t that concerned with how fulfilling our work is – any work will do. But one aspect of safety that is sometimes overlooked is emotional safety. When we don’t feel safe emotionally, for whatever reason, our energy and focus get funnelled into self-protection. What often results is people wasting time and energy playing politics, working in silos or nodding and smiling in meetings and then doing something different afterwards. The lack of emotional safety in the workplace can be a significant distraction for people and a tremendous drain on focus and productivity. One way to short-circuit this self-protection is to build relationships and trust, and one simple tool to accomplish this is appreciative feedback.

Appreciation is personal

You probably already say thank you to team members, and that’s a great start. However, people crave acknowledgement and a sense of being valued. For that, appreciation needs to be individualized and authentic. Recognizing the unique strengths each person brings to the team costs nothing but a few moments of your time, but the payoff in terms of helping people feel valued and emotionally safe is huge. Perhaps one of your team members is very good at raising morale. Or another is adept at getting to the root cause of problems that arise. Noticing and calling out those qualities can help those team members feel that they are valued for the personal characteristics they bring.

Just as each team member brings unique personal characteristics, so do they bring unique professional experience. When it comes to appreciation, accounting for a person’s level of mastery and autonomy is critical. Think about your own experience. Have you ever been praised for doing something that you thought was routine or obvious? What was your reaction? For many, this kind of appreciation can dredge up feelings of frustration or even resentment, as in “Don’t they even know what I’m capable of?” On the other hand, if you think about the most meaningful appreciation you’ve had, it likely related to your unique qualities or skills – contributions to your team that could only have come from you. The key is to get to know your people and understand their strengths and abilities.

But we all have challenges too, and helping people identify those and improve is all part of supporting them on their road to master and autonomy. Fortunately, there’s a simple process you can follow to give constructive feedback in a way that is respectful and comfortable. I call this the CPR method of giving feedback.

Constructive feedback is forward-looking

The first step is C for Check-in. Imagine this scenario: you have just sent out a big report, and you immediately receive a response from the team-mate you have the most difficult relationship with, saying “Call me now, we need to talk about your report.” What thoughts go through your head? How do you feel? Now imagine this scenario: you have just sent out a big report, and you immediately receive a response from your best friend on the team, saying “Call me now, we need to talk about your report.” What thoughts go through your head? How do you feel? That is the difference that mindset can make. In the first scenario, you are likely to go into the meeting feeling defensive and interpreting any words or actions in a negative way. The conversation is likely to go downhill, reinforcing your negative view of this person. In the second scenario, you are more likely to assume this person wants to help you, so you may feel grateful or even energized going into the conversation. Which conversation is likely to be more productive? The impact of mindset is even more important when you are giving constructive feedback to a team member. Check in with yourself first. If you are not in a constructive mindset, wait until you are. And if that shift doesn’t come naturally, try this powerful tool: curiosity. For example, if you can genuinely ask yourself what the other person needs, or wonder if they knew something you didn’t that led to their behaviour, you are well on the way to approaching the conversation with a constructive mindset.

The second step is P for Positive. In most situations, there is a grain of positivity, maybe the person’s intention or effort, that you can praise. You want to let the person know that your feedback is balanced, that you can see the positive as well as the areas requiring improvement. This helps you continue to build trust by acknowledging the entirety of their contribution.

And the final step is R for Results. Rather than focusing on what someone has done wrong, focus on what they should do right in future. They can’t change the past, but they can learn from it. Describe in neutral terms the behaviour you are concerned with and help them see the impact. Then focus on the results you want, as that is something within the other person’s control.

So now you know how to give feedback that is simple and painless! Once you build trust and rapport through appreciation, you build the foundation to support your team members with constructive feedback meant to help them develop greater mastery and autonomy. Feedback is an ongoing conversation, so aim to talk to each team member at least every week– it only takes a minute to appreciate someone. And every time you see an opportunity for improvement, share it. If you remember that your primary job as a manager is to help your team members become even better, then you will be giving them the gift of feedback that inspires engagement and performance.

Anne Comer is a team effectiveness and culture change consultant who is passionate about guiding leaders and teams to create a healthy environment where people can thrive and enjoy the satisfaction of achieving strong and sustainable results. With over 25 years of experience in operations, human resources and education, she provides consulting services to a wide variety of organizations ranging from small nonprofits to Fortune 500 companies across many industries, in Canada and the US.