I have a mentor at work who is helping me to deal with career and life issues. Even though the discussions are supposed to be confidential, I think that my mentor is sharing some of this information with other managers, particularly HR.

Mastering mentoring

Mentoring programs are a growing trend in more and more workplaces, and offer a great way for young or inexperienced professionals to learn management and general life lessons from their more seasoned colleagues. These programs generally work best if there are established rules of engagement that are agreed to in advance. Central among these rules is confidentiality – an extremely important rule that cannot be broken, usually except for matters of life or death. If these rules are agreed upon and adhered to, it can be an extremely rewarding experience and provide an opportunity for both sides to learn more about themselves and their organization.

Start the relationship on the right foot

In an organizationally sanctioned mentoring program, especially if it is new, it certainly helps if there is some formal structure and guidelines to follow. Setting objectives up-front for specific mentoring outcomes can help steer the relationship along the right path from the outset, and eliminate any possible misunderstandings. While it may be a little late in your situation, it never hurts to outline your expectations at any point in the process, including setting the boundaries on confidentiality for both sides.

Mentoring 101

Although mentoring sounds like something that should happen naturally, it cannot be assumed that all participants will know what to do when the program head says, “Okay, 1-2-3, Ment!” Your mentor may not think that they have done anything wrong at all in your case. For example, if you want to move into another area of the organization, you may feel this is information that you shouldn’t disclose to others in the organization until you feel ready (which is generally a good strategy, by the way). You may have assumed that what you divulged was confidential, but your mentor could legitimately think that in publicizing your desire to change departments, they are helping you achieve your objectives. Until you have set up the appropriate levels of trust with your mentor, you should carefully filter everything you are saying to them. As your trust level grows and you become more comfortable, you can divulge more vital information to your mentor. You could even set up a rule for the two of you, such as, “Unless I say otherwise, everything I say to you is confidential” (or the reverse for that matter). Usually you go into a mentoring relationship knowing something about your mentor – if they are known to be a chatterbox, gauge your discussions accordingly.

Remember first principles

Most organizations set up mentoring programs to help their employees in their career development, but understandably are usually hoping that this will encourage their employees to develop their careers within the organization, rather than leaving to pursue other interests. With this in mind, you should spend some time before you meet with your mentor to determine exactly what you want to accomplish, and more importantly, what message you want to convey to the organization. If your true calling is to become a goatherd in the Himalayas, you might not want to task your mentor on how you can both help you get there. Find another mentor, preferably outside the organization, to help you reach this particular career objective.

Catching two goats with one crook

As an alternative, you could try to find common ground between your true career objective and the more prudent message you choose to send to your current organization. In our example, you could set an objective with your organization-assigned mentor to “find the core activities that you enjoy the most,” or “how to better manage groups” (of people it will be assumed). This won’t give away your true herding intentions, and at the same time can also help you reach your stated career goals. You may even surprise yourself and find out that you prefer herding people more than animals.

Informal mentoring

Don’t forget that whether or not you are part of a formal mentoring program, you should always be on the lookout for informal mentors – people who are willing and able to impart their knowledge and experience to help give you a hand up on your career path. They are a vital part of any vibrant career.

Good luck!

Mitchell Stephenson M.A., CPCC, is a senior partner and a certified professional career counsellor at Catalyst Careers, a career transition, counselling, and outplacement firm. Mitch has been involved in human resources, career counselling and coaching in the health and legal sectors for many years. To contact him, visit: www.catalystcareers.com.

To submit a question for a future column, please email it to careercoach@charityvillage.com. No identifying information will appear in this column.

Disclaimer: Advice and recommendations are based on limited information provided and should be used as a guideline only. Neither the author nor CharityVillage.com make any warranty, express or implied, or assume any legal liability for accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information provided in whole or in part within this article.

Please note: While we ensure that all links and e-mail addresses are accurate at their publishing date, the quick-changing nature of the web means that some links to other web sites and e-mail addresses may no longer be accurate.