I feel the communication is breaking down between my new supervisor and myself. I never seem to be able to get my point across to her in a way that she appreciates. In meetings, I often feel hurried, and then I get nervous and flustered and lose my concentration, which irritates her even more. This was never a problem with my old supervisor. How can I approach her and express myself without jeopardizing my future with the entire company?

Communication breakdown

You face a challenge that many (if not all) of us must grapple with at some point in our careers. Communication, particularly communicating UP the command chain, is one of the most difficult areas for us to conquer. If things start out on the wrong foot initially with a new manager, it can take years for things to turn around again.

Like people, no two styles are alike

The first thing we all need to understand is that people all have different communication styles, and managers are people too (well at least most of them are). Some managers prefer the direct approach — you need to get to the point as quickly as possible. Other managers might prefer a more laid back style — let’s talk about the weekend, or the weather, or our favourite sports team, and then get to the point. Some managers are more supportive, taking a coaching approach, and others may feel that tough love is the best way. No one style is better or worse in and of itself, as long as you trust each other to be looking out for each other’s best interests, and the best interests of the organization.

What’s your style?

That means that whatever communication style your manager uses, you need to acknowledge it, understand it, and then adapt your style to reflect their needs. So if you notice that your manager always seems edgy, looks at their watch constantly, etc whenever you spend more than three to five minutes on one point, try to cut things down to bullet point format. People constantly provide clues to their preferred communication style. This is part of managing UP — providing your manager with the information they need in the way they like to receive it. If you are asking why you should adapt your communication style to their needs, remember, your manager is really your customer — they ultimately decide a lot about many areas of your working life, so it just makes common sense to make things as easy for them as possible. The added side effect to this of course is that it makes things much easier for you too.

Style versus substance

If you are unsure of their style, or problems have arisen such as those you outlined, you can simply ask them how they prefer you to communicate with them. For example “Should we meet face to face, or is an email update preferable?” If they like short, concise points, create a project plan that provides a succinct summary of your action points as a template and ask for their input.

If you feel awkward asking them directly, you can try out different approaches to see which ones they respond to best. Monitor how others communicate with them and try to mimic some of those styles.

The medium can be the message

Watch how they respond to your communication. For example, if you usually use email to communicate, and they regularly respond by coming into your office or calling you directly, there is a strong hint that they prefer a direct communication style. If you communicate verbally, and they regularly ask you to send them an email to summarize what you are saying, or tell you they’ll get back to you later (via email) – they likely prefer non-verbal communication. The key is to constantly watch, listen, learn, and ADAPT.

Communication breakdowns can be very serious issues – they have lead to wars and strife of all kinds. However, the good news is that these barriers can be broken down by understanding styles and personal preferences.

Good luck!

Mitchell Stephenson M.A., CPCC, is a senior partner and a certified professional career counsellor at Catalyst Careers, a career transition, counselling, and outplacement firm. Mitch has been involved in human resources, career counselling and coaching in the health and legal sectors for many years. To contact him, visit: www.catalystcareers.ca.

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