We are coming up to our usual holiday time at the office and it always means the same thing – the boring office party and gift exchange, and then all of us going out to a pub, with the same people drinking too much, and I always spend too much on everything. How can I bow out gracefully this year?

Well Ms. Scrooge, I’m glad you finally wrote in – how’s old Ebenezer doing? Seriously, this can be a difficult and stressful period for many of us, at a time when we are supposed to be at our happiest – in the office and elsewhere. You should start by acknowledging your feelings, and understanding that you are not alone. Many of us have endured the same tired office traditions and celebrations in silence or with mock joy for fear of being labeled a “Scrooge”. However, explicitly stating that you are not celebrating together with everyone else can easily isolate you among your co-workers at all levels. So you should tread with caution in how you approach this situation.

Divide and conquer

Determine exactly what it is about the holiday period that you don’t like, or which causes you the most anxiety. You will not be able to get rid of all of your stress, so it is best to eliminate or minimize the biggest stressors if possible. From your question, I can surmise that excessive drinking, presumably by your co-workers, and spending too much on gifts are your primary stressors, so let’s deal with those issues specifically.

The best gifts are priceless

Unlike the MasterCard commercial, you don’t have to spend a lot on your credit cards to give great gifts to your co-workers. Some offices set a pre-determined limit, perhaps $10 or $20 per person, to ensure that no one is embarrassed by either an under or overly extravagant gift. Try to establish a gift-giving reputation as someone who is thoughtful and caring instead of lavish. The personal touch can also be much more meaningful to others.

Holiday cheer(s)

We all have stories (hopefully about others) in which an office worker has too much alcohol and makes a serious fool of themselves. Events can sometimes even lead to outright dismissal if serious enough. The key to remember is that whenever you are at a work function, you are “on the job”. Every word and every action can come back to haunt you, so be very cautious in how much you imbibe. Set a limit on the number of drinks you will have, or alternate between alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages. You can also limit the time you spend at these events to at least show your face, but not allow yourself (or others) the time to overindulge. Of course, NEVER drink and drive.

Allow others to enjoy

For some people, the holiday season, in all its unique glories, is a sacred tradition – the part of the year that matters most to them. Most of us appreciate at least the fundamental principles underlying the season – the spirit of giving, thinking of others less fortunate, and caring for those who matter most to us, among many others. Let them enjoy this time, and appreciate their perspective on it, as it adds to the particular culture of your office.

Start your own traditions

How about starting some of your own holiday traditions? There has to be a first time for everything, so don’t be shy about suggesting some new traditions, if the old ones are getting a little stale and worn out. For example, rather than going to the pub, perhaps you can go to the local children’s hospital to donate gifts, or work at a homeless shelter. Not all traditions catch on, but it can be invigorating to mix things up a little bit and try something new.

Remember, despite the retail industry’s best efforts, the holiday is only here for a short time each year, so try to enjoy as much of it as you can during that time.

Good luck!

Mitchell Stephenson M.A., CPCC, is a senior partner and a certified professional career counsellor at Catalyst Careers, a career transition, counselling, and outplacement firm. Mitch has been involved in human resources, career counselling and coaching in the health and legal sectors for many years. To contact him, visit: www.catalystcareers.com.

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